So here I am, 9 months out of surgery…can’t believe it’s been that long already. I look in the mirror everyday trying to see something different and it’s weird. Almost surreal. I see the shape of my face has changed entirely, the collarbone that I never noticed before. I can tell that my clothes fit differently, the sizes are all wrong. But the rest, I have a hard time with. I struggled over the past month being stuck at a number, trying to remind myself it’s just a number, it’s my health that’s more important. But I’m not going to lie, that is a hard mental block to overcome.
In 9 months I have lost over 90 pounds. I have lost over 68% of my body weight. That’s fucking incredible. I know it is. I wish I could be as impressed with it when I looked at myself as when I thought about it. Right now, I see a girl that needs to do more.
Maybe it’s because my clothes don’t fit right, they are still to big. So I can’t appreciate how far I’ve come. Maybe it’s because I rely too much on the numbers instead of on how I feel. Maybe it’s because I just haven’t fully learned how to love me yet. I’m working on it.
130 pouns down since last year. Thats a whole person. I know in my heart how much I’ve acheived. I think it’s time to take some new pictures to show myself just how far I’ve come.
Have you struggled with this? Let me know your story.
So on Friday my surgeon went in to repair two rather large hernia’s that I developed after my sleeve in September. I was told the recovery time was long and painful. I was told that I couldn’t do anything in the mean time. I never realized how little that meant. It’s really getting to me.
So this whole not being able to move thing…sucks. all I wanted to do this morning was get up, go to the potty, grab some water, then remain upright to braid Kay’s hair. I managed to get two out of those three things done, all while trying not to cry or uncontrollably shake ftom the amount of pain I was in. Kay went off to school with a braid and Jayson ended up getting me water and breakfast because I couldn’t stand back up again.
I am trying not to be hard on myself for the fact that I am stuck on this couch. I feel like I should be doing something and I can’t. While I realize I am just a few days out from surgery and it takes time to heal, it doesn’t take the overwhelming sense of frustration and helplessness of the situation away. I keep reading up on the recovery times and everywhere I have read it says that it’s a slow process, I just guess I thought being supermom came with the ability to heal super quickly.
Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening to me babble💖
Little update from my world- I will be having surgery to fix 2 hernia’s that are currently causing me incredible amounts of pain on June 2nd.
My surgeon was very clear in telling me that I am going to be in pain and that I am also to taje the best care I have EVER tajen if myself when it comes time to heal. As these are right in the center of my core and my core is pivotal to well everything.
I’ll be honest….I’m nervous, scared and just trying to keep breathing at the moment. I will be out of comission for a few weeks and asking for help has never been my strongest suit. I am used to being in complete control of my world.
I am lucky to have friends and family that support and love me so much. I am going to need that support and love in the upcoming weeks. So if you have moments to spare, are in the area, want to hang out with some awesome kids and a pouty, partially mobile faerie. We would love the company and helping hands.
Here’s to a healthier tomorrow. *sparkle thoughts*
Here we are, six months out (ok ok, a week or so past but I’ve been busy) and things are doing well. Went to the doctor and I don’t think I have ever smiled that much in my entire life. Or been called a Rockstar. Or told that I was a Superstar. So here is the scoop folks.
Six Months Post Op – 80 Pounds down! 120 Pounds down since I started to program in January 2016!!! That is craziness!!!! And AMAZING!!!!!!
59% of my excess body weight lost and my BMI has gone from 53 to 39. That’s 9 away from where the doc wants me to be. All in all, I think this is all such very good news.
In other news, my doc and I have discussed not only the fact that there is the eventuality of skin surgery. And that is something that excites and frightens me on so many different levels. TO know that all the hard work I am putting in would finally show on the outside is something that is so amazing to me. The fact that it is another surgery is something that is a little daunting but nothing more than being afraid of the dark is anymore. I have put the effort into everything I have done, this is just a step to help show my hard work.
We also discussed the fact that we have to take care of the two hernias that have occurred since surgery. I went in for a CAT scan and it came back with…Yupp, you have two hernias. There is a chance that he is going to take care of them before the insurance clears him to do my skin surgery. It is still unclear if he can go in without completely opening me up, but I’m hoping that I won’t have too many battle scars. At least I know that my scars will be well worn the battle that I went through for them.
As for my weight loss progress, my doctor has no goal weight for me. He just wants me healthy. He wants my BMI down to 30. I always thought my goal weight should be down to 140lb due to my height and things I have read. I never figured out an ideal size because I haven’t been smaller than a 14 in so many years, I don’t know what that would be like. I just know I still have a road ahead of me.
I still have to work on getting enough protein in my body. I am working on tracking my food and my exercise. I am working on getting more exercise every day. I have been getting more water in my body than I usually do. I am taking steps each day to reach my goals.
Let me know how you guys are doing!!!
So it has been a rough couple of days and I have fallen behind in this growing challenge. I have been totally sick and just haven’t felt like myself. A lot of things have crossed my mind and I have felt the task of contemplating them way beyond me as I have dealt with this illness. Insecurities have threatened to overwhelm my new point of view but I have battled through them. Onward and upward they say. Steadily losing weight, steadily gaining ground on a new perspective. Now if only I could get out and back to living in the real world instead of bundled up on the couch, maybe I would feel better.
There are so many things I want to do. So many goals I want to achieve but I feel so stifled. Whether it be for my own fear of tomorrows, of the unknown, of what’s to come or whether it be reality is yet to be determined. I am going to keep pushing through. I am going to keep sparkling. I am going to keep making this work. Because I can. Becuase I am able to. And because I fucking deserve it.
This activity is about planning which baby steps you can start taking in the direction of your goals. TODAY, choose one of your goals and beneath it write down at least 7 baby steps that you can start taking to move toward it. Ask yourself: What else can I try? Where else can I go? Who else can I talk to? You can do this for all of your goals if you like. Starting in the days and weeks ahead, begin to put these steps into practice.
- Go to sleep at a decent hour every night, that hour is yet to be determined but it is surely before midnight
- Make sure to say what is on my mind and no hold back when I am thinking something, it keeps me from showing how I really feel about things
- Make time to go to the gym at least four times a week
- Take at least ten minutes a day to just breathe
- Be honest with myself
- Know it’s ok to say no
- Be kind to myself
So I posted my HUGE weightloss achievement in the group today. I have over 1.2k likes and over 200comments on it at the time I am writing things. I am going to post exactly what I wrote in the group because I am so humbled right now. I meant it to all those who follow and support me on my blog as well.
DAY 4: Showcase Your Inspiration
Est. time: 5 minutes
It’s important to create visual reminders of the goals you’re working toward. When you see a reminder of your goals in front of you each day, it starts to become a part of your reality. What reminders can you set up around your office, in your bedroom, on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror? Put something (or several things) up that will inspire you in the days and weeks ahead.
Here are some ideas:
• Hang up your list of priorities from Day 1.
• Hang up a photo or a quote that inspires you.
• Program your phone or computer to send you a positive reminder each day.
• Set your computer or phone wallpaper to an image that inspires you.
• Write a reminder to yourself: to be adventurous, to try something new each day, to channel loving energy into everything you do.
• Make a vision board with images of the life you want to create.