First Things First…Dieting Advice

So…This wasn’t how I was going to start my first day of the blog but since it needs to be addressed I will address it as such. I did not start this blog to gather dieting advice. I love to hear from everyone on what has worked for them and what they have tried in order to succeed in their goals. I am very PROUD that you are making your life work. I have started this blog to chronicle MY journey of weight loss, to discuss what has and hasn’t worked for me. NOT to solicit advice to to hear what I am doing wrong. I appreciate you telling me what I could do, but if I have told you that I have done it, please do not keep pushing it in my face to try something. You are going to start sounding like a broken record and generally going to stat to bug me.

I am GLAD that your diet worked for you

I most likely HAVE tried your diet and it either DIDN’T work for me or it sounded like something I DIDN’T think I wanted to try

I WILL be going into detail on the various diets I HAVE and HAVE NOT tried and hopefuly getting stories from people that they have worked for and not worked for so that you guys have a wide range of views

But in case you did not read the ABOUT section or the Welcome To My World post my journey is steadily going towards gastric sleeve surgery and is going to be focusing on my life pre and post op. Along with the issues surrounding weight loss with auto immune diseases, binge eating disorder and mental health problems.

As I have said I LOVE to hear from ALL of you so please keep an open mind, an open heart and stop knocking on my door with your dietary guidebook in your hand. Because  I will answer naked with a handful of pita chips and tell you I do not believe in the beach body you are selling.

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Skin Envy

Ever since I wrote this I have been completely taken aback at the impact it has had on my life. As a disabled 32 year old that is still figuring everything out, you have given me the platform to speak about something that I feel is really important to a lot of people.

*This article was originally published in Elephant Journal. I was blessed to have had it make such a difference in the lives of the people that have read it. The link to it is at the bottom of the post. Please Enjoy. Share. Comment*

I have been having some bad days lately. Days where looking at the reflection of myself in the glass of buildings have made me cringe. I have fallen into a spiral, a struggle that I know I fight everyday.

Ever since I wrote this I have been completely taken aback at the impact it has had on my life. As a disabled 32 year old that is still figuring everything out, you have given me the platform to speak about something that I feel is really important to a lot of people.

I have received the kindest words, the most inspirational stories and the sweetest thank yous. From men in their twenties to women in their forties, teenage bloggers who have had a life harder than most should to people just overcoming their weight issues; my story has run the gamut of international emotions. And on days like today, when I can barely move, it is those stories that inspire me to write more. To smile and know that I have fulfilled one of my childhood dreams of touching the lives of people and making a difference.

So there you go, my diatribe. I would love for any of you to read my story and pass it along to those you think need it even if they don’t know it yet.

there is more of me to put out there, and I am finally brave enough to try.

Skin Envy

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Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake (part 2)

I had a lap band placed in 2013, the Friday before Mothers day. I worked my ass off to get that lap band. I went through the program and got told I had to stop because I was in an outpatient program. I started again once I was cut of that program and went through 6 months of exercise and getting ready for surgery. I lost 32 pounds before surgery. By my bandaversay I had lost a total of 83 pounds

*An abbreviated ending to the story…And obviously my story isn’t over. Not even close. I suppose this puts me at about December 2015* 

I never finished my story of my weight loss and gain, I never really thought about updating this page. I was stalling. I was ignoring. I was trying to come up with a different excuse not to write here at al, but I stopped running out of words. Because I’m scared. Because I a sick of who I am. I am tired of sitting straight up so my boobs aren’t too heavy on my heart. I will catch you up as quickly as I can.

I had a lap band placed in 2013, the Friday before Mothers day. I worked my ass off to get that lap band. I went through the program and got told I had to stop because I was in an outpatient program. I started again once I was cut of that program and went through 6 months of exercise and getting ready for surgery. I lost 32 pounds before surgery. By my bandaversay I had lost a total of 83 pounds.

 

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Then the downward spiral happened. There was a custody battle, I was in the hospital very sick… Yet, I was still doing ok. I had a new bf, my old one still lived with me, as well as his son. I went through long periods of time with my head somewhere is should have been. I pushed through, went about my life, broke up with my other half and turned the stress level down yet I kept getting sick. But the sick didn’t stop. I couldn’t hold down food, I couldn’t look at food without throwing up. I had pain, I was not doing well. I had tests done.

They pulled out my Mirena because they found I had an allergy to progesterone. Then did every scan they could on my gall bladder, including  an endoscopy we couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I had discussed with my surgeon turning the band into a sleeve a while back, I thought this would actually help in my weight loss and healthiness. When they found nothing with my gallbladder we set a date for a band removal. I did it right before Pixies birthday. Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.

It wasn’t the lap band, it was I was pregnant. I lost the baby in June. It was most likely the anesthesia.

I mourned, parts of me still are in mourning. I had lost so much over the past few years and now this. Now my little one. It was not ok, I was not ok. I had to get healthy. So I wanted a month, watched the video to get back into the program and had just started it. I was 305 pounds.

By the time everything was in place, I hadn’t seen the nutritionist yet or the exercise physiologists but I saw the psych. Who after 2 classes and no gym time at all decided that I couldn’t be part of the program. I wish I had a happier ending to that story but I don’t The doctor said that I relied too much on the surgery to get better. Which is bullshit and my surgeon knew it. I got two letters in the mail and had an appointment with the doc and yup that was it. I was not even allowed into the nonsurgical program.

So there you go…I buried my sorrows the way any fat kid does…..in cake.

My BMI was over 60

This shrink didn’t care about my health

I felt very alone….

 

Welcome to my World

It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

If you have read the ABOUT section then you would know that my name is Shaina and I have two wonderful awesome kiddos. You will see pictures of them at some point. They keep me on my toes or at least they do their best to. At this current moment in time, I am 5’5 and weigh roughly 317 pounds. Which means I have gained 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the doctor….Fuck. That is how I feel about that.

My weight loss journey has had many ups and downs which will be chronicled in great detail (as I have written it out as such) in another post and currently I am speeding along towards my decision to have gastric sleeve surgery. My surgery will be taking place sometime between the end of the Summer and the beginning of the Fall. With the surgery, I am hoping that I not only gain control of my weight loss and energy levels but that I also gain some more control over any of the 5 autoimmune diseases my body is wracked with. Fingers crossed as I know this is not a miracle cure for anything, I have very realistic goals, but one can hope for little things to fall into place.

Over the course of all my writing, I hope to gain some insight into other people’s experiences, I hope to become more self-aware and mindful and I hope to be able to be a touchstone to all of you going through the journey as well.

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