One Month Down

Wow, Y’all! It has been a whole month since surgery. Can you believe that?! I know I can’t! Well considering the fact that I have three days to go before I can start eating soft foods, I can kinda believe it. I have so much to tell you about and am going to try to contain my rambling as much as I can. I hope this month has treated you well. It has been a crazy ride for me!

First things first. It has officially been a month since my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy so let us get some stats up here. HW – 356 SW – 309 and CW – 280 Here are some pictures of a month ago and now. the top row is a month ago and the bottom row is now. I want to be positive and say I see a huge difference but the fact of the matter is I don’t. My sister in law says she does, though!

Here are some pictures of a month ago and now. the top row is a month ago and the bottom row is now. I want to be positive and say I see a huge difference but the fact of the matter is I don’t. My sister in law says she does, though!

one-month-sleeve

Little things though that I do notice are important. Shirt sleeves getting bigger, the fact that I can see my collar bone again. It isn’t a struggle to pull my shirts over my head and my bras fit better. I have dropped from a size 28 to just under a size 22 in pants. My energy has picked up much more and I am not out of breath walking around like I used to be.

The past month has been one crazy experience. At this time I should be able to start going back to the gym. I should be able to start getting on with an exercise routine and start feeling like a person again. But unfortunately, I don’t. Just two weeks after my surgery I was rushed to the ER with severe stomach pains. After multiple tests and morphine, they discovered I had two hernias. Fortunately, they did not need emergency surgery, however, they do need surgery in general. The bigger of the two hernia’s is in the spot where the port from my failed lap band used to be. It is rather large and because of its size and placement, it may need to be taken while I am opened and not laparoscopically. Which means more hospital time and more healing days. I am not excited by this prospect of not being able to function as a person for another two months. As it is, it is already killing me not to be able to pick up my kids, to carry groceries or push a vacuum. It is a helpless feeling really…

Continuing on the theme of the helpless feeling, it really is something to say that the emotional toll has been a big one. I hear all the time that the emotional turmoil that comes with this kind of surgery is absolutely common and that it goes away. My question is we. I have been told that when I had my lap band surgery I was a wreck for a while too. That I wasn’t ok again until I was able to start functioning again in society. I worry that this is dragging on longer because of all the extra stuff that is going on. I worry that I will never be able to totally function again. That maybe this was a mistake. I know that this was something that is going to give me my life back. That this tool was well researched and a good idea, but I feel so lost sometimes. And I have such a hard day by day sometimes. Sometimes it is like no one knows what I am going through. And because I used to turn to food in times of anxiety or panic or grief, I don’t know where to turn now. Maybe I just need to talk to someone who knows what it feels like. I feel as day by day I get stronger and I know I will be able to take things in greater stride. I think as I am able to take on more tasks, I will be happier in the long run.

The emotional toll is something I knew that was going happen. I just wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was going to be. This upcoming surgery really threw me for a loop. I will push forward, I will keep celebrating the small victories and I will keep my chin up.

More excitement is yet to come

Sparkle sparkle

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Author: Under the Guise of Glitter

Shaye is a stylistic editor and freelance photographer in Lancaster PA. Though growing up in New York gave her a wide perspective of life, being a gypsy finally made her plant her root where the air is fresh and so is the food. She is the Mommy of two wonderful kiddos. An Autism advocate and a green-tea-aholic. Self proclaimed geek, bookworm, pansexual and lover of everything that glitters. Currently she is trying to live out her dreams while writing of her life, love and loss.

2 thoughts on “One Month Down”

  1. First, congrats on making it through a challenging first month. You’re doing incredibly well dealing with the complication you had and facing the upcoming surgery. xx

    Second, I hear ya on the emotional side of things. It’s SO HARD to suddenly have your BFF/Comfort Item (food!) taken away from you, cold turkey. I have days where I feel the same way about not feeling like I have anyone to turn to and fretting because I can’t turn to food any longer. You’ll find ways of coping, just like the rest of us have. I go do something physical as an outlet. Or I make myself talk to my husband or blog about whatever it is rather than keeping it all inside. I know that plenty of other folks see therapists. I also have to just sometimes sit with the emotions and feel them. Which I know sounds kind of weird to say, but I think that I did everything in my power pre-op to hide/avoid/eat away all the bad stuff and I can’t do that now… I sometimes just have to feel it all.

    Find what works for you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for all your kind words and support xx Sometimes it just makes it easier to hear that there are other people out there that know how I’m feeling and know that I’m not alone. To know that I’m not the only person that felt a little crazy once in a while is comforting! I can’t wait to be able to do something physical, right now I try to read other blogs and just wait for my moments of aloneness to pass me by. Thanks for reaching out. Once again your words touched my heart xx

      Liked by 1 person

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