Weighing in on weighing in

I know, I know I broke a promise. Not only to you my loyal readers but to myself. I promised that I would hold myself accountable everyday. I promised I would update you in my journey, not only for you but for me too. To see where I was, how far I have come and what I’m running towards. Tonight I don’t come here with excuses or justifications, though I thought up a whole batch of them before I typed this out. I came here with the truth. The reason why there have been far fewer updates than I promised, no pictures and less content than I wanted all boils down to one word….Fear.

That’s right, I’m afraid. I sit behind my computer screen or on my phone everyday, just after I weigh myself and  watch the cursor blink. 5 billion thoughts come to mind and I can’t put them down, simply put, because I am afraid. I’m afraid of judgement and not by you but because I judge myself. Far be it from me to say I have done everything in my power to be in the best physical shape I can be right now. I haven’t. I walk as much as the weather, my health and my state of mind let me. I eat or at least try to eat 3 meals a day and keep healthy snacks around. I drink tons of water and managed to get my soda down to one a day. I quit smoking. I’m pretty fucking proud of myself. But the numbers on the scale haven’t moved.

I know in my heart NSV’S are the best kind of victories and I try to celebrate them. But trying to get my motivation up when the numbers on the scale bobble between 7 pounds is really hard. I know I’m trying, I know surgery isn’t that far away….but I have this voice in the back of my mind that I try to ignore. That negative Nancy that tells me it’s all for naught. So I don’t post my progress, because to me I’m stuck, not progressing. I figure no one wants to see that.

As I write this I realize how childish I sound. I realize that if I were my best friend I would tell myself to put on that selfish outfit and start snapping a weekly pic. That I deserve to show off my journey. That I have come do far. I know it all starts from within and lately I haven’t been practicing loving the self within. But I have decided to turn the page. I am going to try my best to update you more regards, try out new smoothie recipies, walk more and just take care of me. I want to hear your stories on your journey down this path

 Feel free to write me. Let’s take this one step at a time!



Author: Under the Guise of Glitter

Shaye is a stylistic editor and freelance photographer in Lancaster PA. Though growing up in New York gave her a wide perspective of life, being a gypsy finally made her plant her root where the air is fresh and so is the food. She is the Mommy of two wonderful kiddos. An Autism advocate and a green-tea-aholic. Self proclaimed geek, bookworm, pansexual and lover of everything that glitters. Currently she is trying to live out her dreams while writing of her life, love and loss.

2 thoughts on “Weighing in on weighing in”

  1. For me, rather often, the thing I resist the most is the thing I most need to DO. Or examine, or think about, or change, etc. If you’re resisting posting updates because it feels like you’ll just be critical of yourself, maybe posting an update with weight and food/exercise diary is exactly what you need to do! And maybe another post that is nothing but positive stuff. I had to do that a few months back…I was kind of stuck in this self critical mode and wrote a few posts that just celebrated happy things big and small. Maybe try that? I think posting does help keep us accountable to ourselves so maybe that’ll help get things going again. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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