Well if we are being totally honest, and I did promise honesty, I feel totally fat today. That’s right, I said it, I am having a fat day.
I have had a little over 4 hours of sleep, in the past 12 or so hours I have eaten an entire package of Milano mint cookie and two glasses of milk. No it wasn’t a binge, I didn’t do it I hiding. I sat on the couch, watch American Horror Story and enjoyed each cookie as it melted in my milk than in my mouth. Why? Because I wanted them.
Simple as that, I wanted them. I have been stuck inside this house for pretty much a week now and I wanted some fucking cookies. I have been religiously been checking my weight, clothes on and off, morning and night, before and after the bathroom….why? Because there is nothing else to do. And honestly I’ve been worried that all this sitting around is making me pack in the pounds.
I have been doing the best I can puttering around the house, it seems though too much moving makes me collapse. Sticking my head outside, makes me collapse. Running for the door, makes me collapse. So on the edge of insanity, I wanted some fucking cookies. And they were delicious.
Is this a positive thing, absolutely not. And me justifying it is bogus. I could tell you I’ve lost 5 pounds in the past week, which I have, but that still isn’t an excuse for a Milano gorge. I can’t say I’m proud of myself because I’m not. However I am not going to sit here and beat myself up over it either.
I am going to accept what I’ve done and make an effort not to do it again. I am going to do what I can to move my body while in the house. I am going to keep up on the path I’ve been going down because I’ve been doing so good. I will not judge myself, I will instead commend myself for being able to admit my flaws and attempt to change my behavior. One day at a time, one step in front of the other.