So after days of good food, hot weather, an amazing wedding (Yay B and B) and hauling my cookies around Disney and all it’s affiliated area’s I hopped on the scale looking for something major and I was exactly 1 pound and 6 ounces less than I was when I left home. That’s it? A pound and a half? You have to be kidding me?!!?!! But then I factored in all the water I drank, the muscle (I MUST have) built and how I felt after my 4 days to myself and I was totally ok with not having dropped the 20 pounds I felt like I had. The reason for this you may wonder, simple, Disney Magic.
I went down to Disney with more in a suitcase then I have packed for a long weekend in a while. Sure there was stuff for the wedding but the real reason I overpacked was because I didn’t know how embarrassed I would be to go out in public. I didn’t know how hot it was exactly, how much heat I could tolerate and how much skin I wanted to show. It was my first vacation alone in such a long time and certainly my first vacation as a big girl without anyone to hold my hand through it.
Upon arrival to the hotel, met with smiles and kindness and a whole helluva lot of heat, humidity and Florida weather, I made the express decision to say fuck it. I unpacked my suitcase, threw on the most comfortable shorts and tank I had on and decided to go exploring. Walking around my hotel I kept my head down and my chin tucked to my chest, eyes behind my glasses but pointedly on the ground. “Don’t judge me” was my mantra as I sweated my behind off just trying to figure out where the ice machine was. The monorail bar crawl was that night, the last girls night out for my best friend, it took me 30 minutes to decide what to wear. By the time I was finished I was out of breath but I was comfortable. When I got to the monorail I was standing outside the gates of the Magic Kingdom, that is when the magic began to hit me. My chin rose up and I felt more confident in what I was doing. I don’t know if it was the music in the air or being surrounded by people who were smiling but I felt more comfortable in my own skin. By the time I went to bed that night I had covered miles of walking, got 5 brand new Pokemon, was more than a little inebriated and had my chin up.
The next day was my day to celebrate. With my newly acquired birthday pin, I threw on shorts and a tee shirt and headed to The Magic Kingdom. I took my steps through those gates and I felt freedom. Freedom to smile and laugh and be who I was. I was surrounded by laughter and joy, people wishing me a happy birthday. There was no judgement behind people’s eyes and even if there was I didn’t see it or feel it. I just felt accepted. The magic surrounding was infectious and it seeped into the area around the parks. It was in the resorts and the boardwalk. People smiled and just let you be you. And so I was.
At the wedding the next day I felt beautiful, for the first time in a long time. Between the gorgeous makeup, that was put on me to the glamorous hair and the dress. The magic of the place we were, the love of my best friend and her husband it all added up to this beautiful experience. I felt special and loved, I was able to look at myself in the mirror and know that I was worth it. It was a very emotional feeling and it was so raw and felt so new to me. After the wedding, I walked around with my bouquet in my gym shorts and tank top with my hair and makeup still done. It was an exhilarating experience.
On my last day at Disney, I was actually scared to come home, I knew the magic wasn’t going to be there. I remembered the cold stares and the judgments that followed me around. I remembered that I had a hard time looking in the mirror when I was there. I remember how hard I tried to keep my head up when I was home and how hard I fought to take myself outside. Not because I didn’t want to go out but because I didn’t want to be stared at.
I spent a lot of yesterday inside, trying to convince myself that things were going to be ok. I washed all my clothes and waited for a sign that I was going to be ok. And then I started looking through pictures of my trip. I reminded myself that I was happy when I was down there, that I was comfortable in my own skin. That even without makeup on, I was beautiful inside and outside. I didn’t need to be in Disney to be part of the magic. The magic was in me all along. Today was a better day and tomorrow will be even more magical. Thanks to that big old mouse who reminded me, I just had to believe.