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Welcome to my World

It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

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It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

If you have read the ABOUT section then you would know that my name is Shaina and I have two wonderful awesome kiddos. You will see pictures of them at some point. They keep me on my toes or at least they do their best to. At this current moment in time, I am 5’5 and weigh roughly 317 pounds. Which means I have gained 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the doctor….Fuck. That is how I feel about that.

My weight loss journey has had many ups and downs which will be chronicled in great detail (as I have written it out as such) in another post and currently I am speeding along towards my decision to have gastric sleeve surgery. My surgery will be taking place sometime between the end of the Summer and the beginning of the Fall. With the surgery, I am hoping that I not only gain control of my weight loss and energy levels but that I also gain some more control over any of the 5 autoimmune diseases my body is wracked with. Fingers crossed as I know this is not a miracle cure for anything, I have very realistic goals, but one can hope for little things to fall into place.

Over the course of all my writing, I hope to gain some insight into other people’s experiences, I hope to become more self-aware and mindful and I hope to be able to be a touchstone to all of you going through the journey as well.

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Buying shorts is a big deal

I bought shorts today. Now I say tgat and most people would think that isn’t a huge deal. But it is to me. I am not someone that buys clothes easily. I still walk into a store overestimating the size I wear. I get the sweats, I can’t breathe and I break down because I get scared nothing will fit right. For years I could only shop one place. But today, I walked into a normal clothing store and bought a pair of shorts. I was worried that my legs would be too big in them, that I couldn’t pull them off, that something just wouldn’t work. But you know what? They fit pretty damn nicely. And the last time I owned a pair of shorts, well that was when the other picture was taken. 132lbs ago. My journey is not over and I am not done fighting to where I want to be. But I’ll take a pair of shorts as a sign of victory along the way.


#weightloss #nsv #nonscalevictory #vsg #vsgcommunity #sleevelife #weightlosstransformation #weightlossjourney #bariatricjourney #bariatricsurgery #motivation #lifegoals #lifechanging #thisisme #proud #singlemomlife #mystory

Weighing in 9 months out

So here I am, 9 months out of surgery…can’t believe it’s been that long already. I look in the mirror everyday trying to see something different and it’s weird. Almost surreal. I see the shape of my face has changed entirely, the collarbone that I never noticed before. I can tell that my clothes fit differently, the sizes are all wrong. But the rest, I have a hard time with. I struggled over the past month being stuck at a number, trying to remind myself it’s just a number, it’s my health that’s more important. But I’m not going to lie, that is a hard mental block to overcome.

In 9 months I have lost over 90 pounds. I have lost over 68% of my body weight. That’s fucking incredible. I know it is. I wish I could be as impressed with it when I looked at myself as when I thought about it. Right now, I see a girl that needs to do more. 

Maybe it’s because my clothes don’t fit right, they are still to big. So I can’t appreciate how far I’ve come. Maybe it’s because I rely too much on the numbers instead of on how I feel. Maybe it’s because I just haven’t fully learned how to love me yet. I’m working on it. 

130 pouns down since last year. Thats a whole person. I know in my heart how much I’ve acheived. I think it’s time to take some new pictures to show myself just how far I’ve come.

Have you struggled with this? Let me know your story. 

Recovering from hernia surgery

So on Friday my surgeon went in to repair two rather large hernia’s that I developed after my sleeve in September. I was told the recovery time was long and painful. I was told that I couldn’t do anything in the mean time. I never realized how little that meant. It’s really getting to me.

So this whole not being able to move thing…sucks. all I wanted to do this morning was get up, go to the potty, grab some water, then remain upright to braid Kay’s hair. I managed to get two out of those three things done, all while trying not to cry or uncontrollably shake ftom the amount of pain I was in. Kay went off to school with a braid and Jayson ended up getting me water and breakfast because I couldn’t stand back up again. 

I am trying not to be hard on myself for the fact that I am stuck on this couch. I feel like I should be doing something and I can’t. While I realize I am just a few days out from surgery and it takes time to heal, it doesn’t take the overwhelming sense of frustration and helplessness of the situation away. I keep reading up on the recovery times and everywhere I have read it says that it’s a slow process, I just guess I thought being supermom came with the ability to heal super quickly. 
Just had to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening to me babble💖

Upcoming Surgery

Little update from my world- I will be having surgery to fix 2 hernia’s that are currently causing me incredible amounts of pain on June 2nd.

My surgeon was very clear in telling me that I am going to be in pain and that I am also to taje the best care I have EVER tajen if myself when it comes time to heal. As these are right in the center of my core and my core is pivotal to well everything.

I’ll be honest….I’m nervous, scared and just trying to keep breathing at the moment. I will be out of comission for a few weeks and asking for help has never been my strongest suit. I am used to being in complete control of my world.

I am lucky to have friends and family that support and love me so much. I am going to need that support and love in the upcoming weeks. So if you have moments to spare, are in the area, want to hang out with some awesome kids and a pouty, partially mobile faerie. We would love the company and helping hands.

Here’s to a healthier tomorrow. *sparkle thoughts*

Weighing In – Six Month Update

Here we are, six months out (ok ok, a week or so past but I’ve been busy) and things are doing well. Went to the doctor and I don’t think I have ever smiled that much in my entire life. Or been called a Rockstar. Or told that I was a Superstar. So here is the scoop folks.

Six Months Post Op – 80 Pounds down! 120 Pounds down since I started to program in January 2016!!! That is craziness!!!! And AMAZING!!!!!!

59% of my excess body weight lost and my BMI has gone from 53 to 39. That’s 9 away from where the doc wants me to be. All in all, I think this is all such very good news.

In other news, my doc and I have discussed not only the fact that there is the eventuality of skin surgery. And that is something that excites and frightens me on so many different levels. TO know that all the hard work I am putting in would finally show on the outside is something that is so amazing to me. The fact that it is another surgery is something that is a little daunting but nothing more than being afraid of the dark is anymore. I have put the effort into everything I have done, this is just a step to help show my hard work.

We also discussed the fact that we have to take care of the two hernias that have occurred since surgery. I went in for a CAT scan and it came back with…Yupp, you have two hernias. There is a chance that he is going to take care of them before the insurance clears him to do my skin surgery. It is still unclear if he can go in without completely opening me up, but I’m hoping that I won’t have too many battle scars. At least I know that my scars will be well worn the battle that I went through for them.

As for my weight loss progress, my doctor has no goal weight for me. He just wants me healthy. He wants my BMI down to 30. I always thought my goal weight should be down to 140lb due to my height and things I have read. I never figured out an ideal size because I haven’t been smaller than a 14 in so many years, I don’t know what that would be like. I just know I still have a road ahead of me.

I still have to work on getting enough protein in my body. I am working on tracking my food and my exercise. I am working on getting more exercise every day. I have been getting more water in my body than I usually do. I am taking steps each day to reach my goals.

Let me know how you guys are doing!!!

Sparkle thoughts!!!

A year makes such a difference

A Facebook memory threw me for a loop today. A year ago I was so proud to fit into a size 26. Now I am over 110 pounds lighter and 10 sizes smaller. It is astounding to me to look at these photos and let it all sink in. 

I have been sitting at a stall in losing for over two weeks and feeling quite diwn. I work out regularly, I’ve been keeping to a pretty steady diet and I don’t know where to shake it up. Do I add more protien, more veggies, tweak my routine? All these things need to be taken into account along with my state of mind. I am pushing myself in so many directions that I need to refocus myself on what’s vest for me. Undo stress and pressure aren’t helping me reach my goals. It’s time to stop letting self doubt and negativity creep in. 

I’ve come so far and my journey forward is going to continue to be so rewarding.

Sparkle thoughts!!!!