Welcome to my World

It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

It’s 1145pm on Sunday, July 10th and I have sat here for a good hour staring at my computer trying to figure out what the hell to type to welcome you to my world. My words may come up as snarky or crass sometimes, but hey at least I am honest. So on that note…let’s get this party started.

If you have read the ABOUT section then you would know that my name is Shaina and I have two wonderful awesome kiddos. You will see pictures of them at some point. They keep me on my toes or at least they do their best to. At this current moment in time, I am 5’5 and weigh roughly 317 pounds. Which means I have gained 4 pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the doctor….Fuck. That is how I feel about that.

My weight loss journey has had many ups and downs which will be chronicled in great detail (as I have written it out as such) in another post and currently I am speeding along towards my decision to have gastric sleeve surgery. My surgery will be taking place sometime between the end of the Summer and the beginning of the Fall. With the surgery, I am hoping that I not only gain control of my weight loss and energy levels but that I also gain some more control over any of the 5 autoimmune diseases my body is wracked with. Fingers crossed as I know this is not a miracle cure for anything, I have very realistic goals, but one can hope for little things to fall into place.

Over the course of all my writing, I hope to gain some insight into other people’s experiences, I hope to become more self-aware and mindful and I hope to be able to be a touchstone to all of you going through the journey as well.



Recovering from hernia surgery

So on Friday my surgeon went in to repair two rather large hernia’s that I developed after my sleeve in September. I was told the recovery time was long and painful. I was told that I couldn’t do anything in the mean time. I never realized how little that meant. It’s really getting to me.

So this whole not being able to move thing…sucks. all I wanted to do this morning was get up, go to the potty, grab some water, then remain upright to braid Kay’s hair. I managed to get two out of those three things done, all while trying not to cry or uncontrollably shake ftom the amount of pain I was in. Kay went off to school with a braid and Jayson ended up getting me water and breakfast because I couldn’t stand back up again. 

I am trying not to be hard on myself for the fact that I am stuck on this couch. I feel like I should be doing something and I can’t. While I realize I am just a few days out from surgery and it takes time to heal, it doesn’t take the overwhelming sense of frustration and helplessness of the situation away. I keep reading up on the recovery times and everywhere I have read it says that it’s a slow process, I just guess I thought being supermom came with the ability to heal super quickly. 
Just had to get that off my chest.  Thanks for listening to me babble💖

Upcoming Surgery

Little update from my world- I will be having surgery to fix 2 hernia’s that are currently causing me incredible amounts of pain on June 2nd.

My surgeon was very clear in telling me that I am going to be in pain and that I am also to taje the best care I have EVER tajen if myself when it comes time to heal. As these are right in the center of my core and my core is pivotal to well everything.

I’ll be honest….I’m nervous, scared and just trying to keep breathing at the moment. I will be out of comission for a few weeks and asking for help has never been my strongest suit. I am used to being in complete control of my world.

I am lucky to have friends and family that support and love me so much. I am going to need that support and love in the upcoming weeks. So if you have moments to spare, are in the area, want to hang out with some awesome kids and a pouty, partially mobile faerie. We would love the company and helping hands.

Here’s to a healthier tomorrow. *sparkle thoughts*

Weighing In – Six Month Update

Here we are, six months out (ok ok, a week or so past but I’ve been busy) and things are doing well. Went to the doctor and I don’t think I have ever smiled that much in my entire life. Or been called a Rockstar. Or told that I was a Superstar. So here is the scoop folks.

Six Months Post Op – 80 Pounds down! 120 Pounds down since I started to program in January 2016!!! That is craziness!!!! And AMAZING!!!!!!

59% of my excess body weight lost and my BMI has gone from 53 to 39. That’s 9 away from where the doc wants me to be. All in all, I think this is all such very good news.

In other news, my doc and I have discussed not only the fact that there is the eventuality of skin surgery. And that is something that excites and frightens me on so many different levels. TO know that all the hard work I am putting in would finally show on the outside is something that is so amazing to me. The fact that it is another surgery is something that is a little daunting but nothing more than being afraid of the dark is anymore. I have put the effort into everything I have done, this is just a step to help show my hard work.

We also discussed the fact that we have to take care of the two hernias that have occurred since surgery. I went in for a CAT scan and it came back with…Yupp, you have two hernias. There is a chance that he is going to take care of them before the insurance clears him to do my skin surgery. It is still unclear if he can go in without completely opening me up, but I’m hoping that I won’t have too many battle scars. At least I know that my scars will be well worn the battle that I went through for them.

As for my weight loss progress, my doctor has no goal weight for me. He just wants me healthy. He wants my BMI down to 30. I always thought my goal weight should be down to 140lb due to my height and things I have read. I never figured out an ideal size because I haven’t been smaller than a 14 in so many years, I don’t know what that would be like. I just know I still have a road ahead of me.

I still have to work on getting enough protein in my body. I am working on tracking my food and my exercise. I am working on getting more exercise every day. I have been getting more water in my body than I usually do. I am taking steps each day to reach my goals.

Let me know how you guys are doing!!!

Sparkle thoughts!!!

A year makes such a difference

A Facebook memory threw me for a loop today. A year ago I was so proud to fit into a size 26. Now I am over 110 pounds lighter and 10 sizes smaller. It is astounding to me to look at these photos and let it all sink in. 

I have been sitting at a stall in losing for over two weeks and feeling quite diwn. I work out regularly, I’ve been keeping to a pretty steady diet and I don’t know where to shake it up. Do I add more protien, more veggies, tweak my routine? All these things need to be taken into account along with my state of mind. I am pushing myself in so many directions that I need to refocus myself on what’s vest for me. Undo stress and pressure aren’t helping me reach my goals. It’s time to stop letting self doubt and negativity creep in. 

I’ve come so far and my journey forward is going to continue to be so rewarding.

Sparkle thoughts!!!!

Fourth months down

It’s been four months since surgery and I want to say my life has been flipped completely around. But life continues to flow as if nothing has changed. Things are different of course but life is life. 

I feel different than I did a year ago, my energy is back, I can walk, stand and play with my kids. I can cross my legs. My breathing isn’t stunted. I am 108 pounds lighter than I used to be. My outlook is sunnier. 

I have lost 61 pounds since surgery. That is a huge amount of weight and I am proud of it. But each time I think of numbers, I think I should be doing more. Losing more. Then I realize I am judging myself and being silly. I am amazing in my own right, look how far I’ve come.

I have finally been able to go back to the gym. I got really sick after New Years and it slowed me down a lot. I lost my motivation for awhile and it brought me to a really low place. I’m getting back in touch with my goals and what I really want to do to achieve them. 

I definitely need new clothes. I’ve realized, living in clothes that don’t fit on my body makes me feel trapped. It makes me feel like I don’t belong. Ugly and horrid on the outside when I’ve fought so hard to feel better.

So I guess life is different. I’m pushing through. Time is on my side. Life and all its magic are too.

HW – 356 SW -309 CW – 248

Go team me💖

Sparkle thoughts 

Day 7 – Love Your Life in 30 Days

Just trying to figure things out in my life. I’m working on it. Trying to stay as positive and sparkly as I can. Today’s activity actually helped a lot. It was about visualization as you will read below and today I really enjoyed that. I got down to the basics and really enjoyed my day, cut down on all the negative self talk and really took care of loving the little things. It was an amazing and I am looking forward to tomorrow where we spend the entire day unplugged and just spending time with each other.

Here’s to another sparkly day!!!!

The activities leading up to Day 7 have all dealt with pro-actively creating transformation. Now, it’s time to go on the defense by observing your thoughts, words, and actions. When you play detective in this way, you can quickly stem the tide of any self-made negativity that may cross your wires or contradict the initiatives you’re taking to spark change. TODAY, simply observe all that you’re thinking, saying, and physically doing. This will help you to understand some of your subliminal inner messaging. When you don’t like what you’re thinking, saying, or doing, then deliberately and lovingly craft a counter-message to immediately put to use.

Day 6 – Love Your Life in 30 Days (

So it has been a rough couple of days and I have fallen behind in this growing challenge. I have been totally sick and just haven’t felt like myself. A lot of things have crossed my mind and I have felt the task of contemplating them way beyond me as I have dealt with this illness. Insecurities have threatened to overwhelm my new point of view but I have battled through them. Onward and upward they say. Steadily losing weight, steadily gaining ground on a new perspective. Now if only I could get out and back to living in the real world instead of bundled up on the couch, maybe I would feel better.

There are so many things I want to do. So many goals I want to achieve but I feel so stifled. Whether it be for my own fear of tomorrows, of the unknown, of what’s to come or whether it be reality is yet to be determined. I am going to keep pushing through. I am going to keep sparkling. I am going to keep making this work. Because I can. Becuase I am able to. And because I fucking deserve it.


This activity is about planning which baby steps you can start taking in the direction of your goals. TODAY, choose one of your goals and beneath it write down at least 7 baby steps that you can start taking to move toward it. Ask yourself: What else can I try? Where else can I go? Who else can I talk to? You can do this for all of your goals if you like. Starting in the days and weeks ahead, begin to put these steps into practice.

Health –

  1. Go to sleep at a decent hour every night, that hour is yet to be determined but it is surely before midnight
  2. Make sure to say what is on my mind and no hold back when I am thinking something, it keeps me from showing how I really feel about things
  3. Make time to go to the gym at least four times a week
  4. Take at least ten minutes a day to just breathe
  5. Be honest with myself
  6. Know it’s ok to say no
  7. Be kind to myself